As I sit here trying to come up with something witty and meaningful to impress you
with, all I can really think about is how it's already the third week of July and I still don't have my site placement for Senegal. Many of the other volunteers in this program have been receiving their placement announcements; while I sit here waiting, ever so patiently, refreshing my email...every five minutes. Those that know me can attest to the fact that I love being organized. I thoroughly enjoy to-do lists and there are few things I love more than checking off those little boxes when I finish something on my list. I will go so far as to add things to my list even after I've already completed them just so I can cross out the box. Despite my need for organization, I realize that life rarely goes as planned. One of my favorite sayings is "The best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans." Because of life's "quirky" unpredictability, I have witnessed adaptability be one of the most undervalued qualities to posses. Growing up in the world of competitive gymnastics, my coach used to always tell us "Adapt, Migrate, or Die". Now, he may have had a certain propensity for the dramatic, but this phrase taught me at a young age the importance of adapting to a new situation with grace and humility.
Back in April, at the Discernment Interview Process (DIP) weekend, we were told that once we accepted our country placement through the Young Adults in Global Missions (YAGM) program, we needed to relinquish control. Our coordinators explained that the program only works if you allow yourself to be vulnerable to the process and trust that God has a plan for you. In that moment, as I eagerly agreed, I was picturing my faith being tested by all the wild and crazy adventures that I will inevitably experience in Senegal. However, never would I have imagined that my faith would be tested now, before my journey has even begun. My plan of attack throughout this whole preparation process has been reading books, using language learning apps, and writing so many lists that I've lost count. I've been creating this semblance of control through my naïve attempts at organization. When in reality, the reason I am so eager for my site placement is because it's one more way for me to pretend that I'm in control of a situation that I can't even begin to understand. However, due to my desire to plan and organize, I almost missed out on one of life's greatest adventures: Faith. To believe and trust in something that you cannot see is an adventure in and of itself. In one of my favorite films, 180 degrees South, Yvon Chouinard talks about how the real adventure starts when all your plans go to hell. He says, "fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all." My desire to control situations stems not from my love of lists and cute planners, but from my fear of the unknown. If I can somehow manage to plan everything out to the last detail, then I should never find myself unprepared or surprised. But then I asked myself something: Where is the adventure in a life without surprises and detours? I would hate to think that I planned the adventure or the experience right out of this journey. Therefore, rather than hoping and praying for an information packed email, I will be praying for the strength to accept the journey, in whatever form it may appear, with an open mind and an open heart.
This being my first official blog post of my YAGM journey, I would just like to take a moment and acknowledge the vast amount of encouragement I have received from friends, family, and even strangers. I can't begin to express how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by the most incredibly supportive people. I am reminded that this year will not be easy. I will be asked to face some truths about myself and my privilege that I have been ignorant to for so many years. I will grapple with the sense of misunderstanding and loneliness living in a community where I won't share the religion, customs, or even the same language. But through it all, knowing the challenges I will face, I know that I have an incredible support system behind me and that I am making the right choice. Despite my fear of the unknown, I am beginning the journey that will shape me into the person that I am meant to become. During these last few weeks before I leave, I will try to remember the strength that comes from vulnerability and the freedom that comes with faith. I'm sure I will still be making checklists and organizing my travel documents, but maybe I can cut back my email refreshers to twice a day. Baby steps, right?
Peace and Blessings,
Rachel